The Atmosphere of Ramadhan #2

Assalamualaikum Wr. Wb.,

I can't believe it, Ramadhan is about to end in 5 hours from now! What have I achieved so far? Frankly speaking, I don't know. I can't judge myself of or tell what my accomplishments were in this past month. All I know, this year I "only" missed 20% or 25% of the Tarawih prayer =) Is this an accomplishment? I don't know. But then, I failed to keep my emotions over a disappoinment, sorrow, and anguish earlier on this Ramadhan month. Is this a failure/lost? I don't know either. To me, it's very easy to withdraw my appetite. I can even go on a whole day without eating or drinking at all. But withdrawing from appetite IS NOT the essential meaning of Ramadhan. I remember a story about my friend, whose cousin lost his Dad on Ramadhan, 4 or 5 years ago. Because the true essence of Ramadhan is to withhold any emotion and human ego (appetite is part of emotion), the living family (including this person, the cousin of my friend) attended the burial ceremony without any tear flowing out (or at least they tried not to cry). But anyway, let Allah be the valid, the Almighty judge for my deeds this past month =)

Anyway, back to the main topic. As I successfully did good deeds on one hand and didn't do good deeds on the other hand, have I won the "spirit" of Ramadhan or have I successfully failed this month? =) What do you think? IMHO, my winning or losing is comparably relative. Only He, Allah the Almighty, who can decide this. But why did I say that my result and progress in the training of this year's Ramadhan is comparably relative? Because I'm basing this only on human's logic and perceptions. I am losing the "spirit" of Ramadhan if you compare my efforts to the efforts of those who are trully, undoubtedly religious. Those who even spend most of their times in the Mosque. But then again, do they win the "spirit" of Ramadhan? Well, from the religious ceremonial perspective they might do, but what do you think of their results if you compare these people to the Moslems who engage in various charities but don't have time for religious ceremonial because of their busy schedules? These social people didn't mean to avoid their religious calls, busy/tight schedules force them to do so. I don't mean this by avoiding the daily 5-time prayers though. These tight schedules are those involved with charities and good deeds other than religious ceremonials. But do these social people win over the "Mosque" people or is it the other way around? IMHO, again, this is comparably relative. But if you compare me to them, of course, I lost.

But what if you compare me, to those who ignore Ramadhan? Well, don't take the extreme case, such as comparing myself to those Moslems (or at least they admit they are Moslems) who don't even fast on daytimes and often go to night clubs getting drunk every night even on Ramadhan (I feel terribly sorry for these people and I pity them. Uhmm, I know this is mean or cruel, but what if they suddenly die on an accident in an hour from now? Gee, I wonder where their souls/spirits might be. I wonder whether they are prepared for death.). If you compare me to these people, of course I tremendously win the "spirit" of Ramadhan. But compare me to those who often lost their tempers and are not able to withhold their emotions even if they perform various satisfactory religious ceremonials. Believe me, there are a lot of these kind of people, and I am likely one of them (although I try my best to withhold my emotions). Now, this is the hardest part, you can't tell if I win or lose the "spirit" of Ramadhan. To some people, it's easy to judge and point their fingers to someone else. But their basing it only on human's logic and human's made ethics and norms. I know that ethics and norms are derived from philosophies and religions, but the derivations depend heavily on human, mortal assumptions and comprehensions toward topics of various philosophies and religions. That's why, only Allah who is allowed and is able to judge one's sincerity.

There's a proverb in Indonesia saying "kuman di seberang lautan tampak, gajah di pelupuk mata tiada tampak". The translation is "you can spot a virus lie across the ocean but you can't even see an elephant standing right before your eyes". The meaning of the proverb is that it's always easy to blame others but it's often difficult to admit that you are wrong. And it takes a big heart to admit your mistakes. Well, let me start by begging for your forgiveness for things I did or said on purpose or not. I don't remember each of my mistakes, but hopefully my efforts will mean something to you. In the end, I would like to say happy Eid Ul-Fitr to my Moslem Brothers and Sisters. Taqabalallahu Minna Wa Minkum, Minal Aidzin Wal Faizin.

Ah, Ramadhan finally ends...

Am I happy or sad?

I don't know...

I am happy for all the things I've been through this month...

I am sad because I will miss the atmosphere of Ramadhan...

It is like a little boy bidding farewell to his sibling...

He is happy and he is sad...

He is happy because the jerk is finally out of his life...

He is sad because he's losing his bestfriend and his "enemy" to fight with...

It is like a junkie giving up drugs...

She is happy and she is sad (outraged)...

She is happy that she'll lead a healthier and meaningful life...

She is angry because she lost her only painkiller and source of happiness...

Farewell Ramadhan...

May I live for another one year...

Even if I can't promise you to be a better person in a year till I meet you again...

But for now, let me say "Minal Aidzin Wal Faizin"...