The Mirage State of Mind
That tune freezes, parting melody from the wind
I'm left tone deaf, blind
Dust and sands collide... This is all a deceiving blend
When a boat docks to a pier
I'll be in ecstasy, that reflection shines even brighter
Oh... but empty, static, oh... but gloomy
I'm running again, on a mere odyssey
When thousands of bubbles burst
Do you know which one I am?
Do I have to make the loudest burst?
But I'm helpless, it's just all the same
When a petal drops to the river
Am I the only one to see the ripple?
The current swallows the flicker
Should I dip my hands and grab that fate?
When the moon shies away in a partial eclipse
A grasshopper stunned, a snake lurks for a feast
No longer is his reflection in this pond
Just as I emerge from this state of mind
Frankly, I can see, I can hear, I can think
This playground is my comfort zone
Nothing differs, nothing excels
But I hate that new swing
Frankly, I can see, I can hear, I can feel
I stop and I hum
Go ahead, spin that ferris wheel
Near or far... They're just the same
Arlington, June 29, 2008
Muhamad F. Nasution
Entry #XX0:
It's been a while since the last time I recorded my life in this virtual diary. A lot of things has happened to me, Alhamdulillah. I am now a husband to a beautiful and greatest wife on earth, and a father going to be (the wife is now 6-month pregnant). Yes, I'm still a doctoral student and I haven't even done with my coursework, BUT, I've proposed to take the comprehensive exam on February 16, 2009, several weeks before my child is due. So I come close to actually becoming a doctoral candidate =) Yes, I'm still residing in the states and I'm looking at another 7 to 15 years at the very least to return home for good. But frankly speaking, I do miss my family back home, I do miss Jakarta. But whatever happened to me is of little interest. I do not intend to compose this particular journal to blab about my whereabouts.
You would wonder why I wrote this poem. This poem was kind of random, I composed it verse by verse while actually got fed up writing paper at around 3:00AM. I would see this poem as a helpless civilian's shout to dictatorship. So here's the thing, consider lethal circumstances similar to what happened in Indonesia, particularly in Jakarta, in May 1998. By lethal I mean increasing prices, crowding out investments, increasing number of unemployment, and skyrocketing interest rate. With these attributes, you could expect a verging reformation or revolution followed by humangous civilians massacre. This administration turn-over often deflects the "mirage" truth, i.e. situational fallacy.
But not until circumstances become lethal, we just choose to watch and hum, and let status quo spin the ferris wheel. We do realize that the falling petal causes ripple on the river (let's just call it increasing number of unemployment) or that the snake preys on the grasshopper even during lunar eclipse (let's call this increasing interest rate). But before things become lethal, who'll notice such fallacy? Hey, we're just one of those thousands bursting bubbles. Like it or not, these fallacies look just the same as if nothing happened, what say you?
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